Ten reasons to quit smoking

It's coming up on new years and with that many people go through the whole "New Years Resolutions" thing. Personally I don't bother, I mean if I want to change something, why wait for the start of the New Year? Though, of course, why would I want to change anything about me anyway? :)

But in the spirit of helping others I figured I'd do what I can. I already wrote "The Casselberry Diet" which has helped countless people get on and stay on a diet. So rather than help out the fat people, I figured I'd take a poke at smokers. As usual these may not be politically correct, so if that sort of thing bothers you, rather than bitch about it, stop reading now.

So here are the top ten reasons to stop smoking....

10. I just bought a ton of stock in Nicorette
9. All the smokers in front of the building are scaring off my fans....
8. Snipers often will focus in on something as small as a lit cigarette. Not everyone has to worry about snipers, but you never know.
7. Cigarette smoking gets blamed for everything else, so I'm sure it probably causes global warming too.
6. Don't you guys watch TV? I mean 64% of action movies have at least one explosion caused by a lit cigarette, clearly if it's in a movie it must be true.
5. If you spend too much money on smoking, that's less money you can spend on me, and after all aint I worth it?
4. If people quit smoking they will get fat and then need to buy my diet book.
3. There is that whole pesky dying thing....
2. Quitting is easy. My step father has quit dozens of times.


And the number one reason to quit smoking

Recent studies have shown that women who smoke are 73% more likely to perform oral sex. Hey I like getting my knob polished as much as the next guy but... Wait a minute, what the heck am I saying? Light up ladies, first pack is on me.