http://nopinkturkeys.blogspot.com for more words of wisdom...
I spent the day skiing on Sunday. Oh sure I'm a little stiff (ahem), but I had a great time. Now when skiing you can hear some phrases that could sound a little dirty. To avoid any embarrassing surprises on the slopes, here are some phrases that are perfectly innocent.
10. "Grab my pole." Many times when someone is learning to ski, they may need help to slow down or stop. Since most skiers don’t carry rope, using a ski pole makes perfect sense.
9. "It will help if you spread your legs a little more". New skiers typically do the snow plow where the tips of the skis are pointed in towards each other. If your legs are too close the tips can cross and you can fall on your face.
8. "Can you help me get up?" Many new skiers have a hard time standing up and having someone either hold your skis or lend a helpful arm can help a lot
7. "Now lean back and enjoy the ride". Leaning too far forward on your skis can cause you to lose control, leaning back a little helps you turn better.
6. "It's cold on top but it gets warmer the lower you go." Yes, many things are warmer down lower, this includes ski mountains too....
5. "This may be a hard and rough ride" Many trails are bumpy and it can make for a difficult run....
4. "We're only two so we need another to make a threesome" probably not what you are thinking, but on a triple chair a couple often times gets paired with a lone rider to fill the chair.
3. "We better get out of these wet clothes". Well this one very well may be provocative, but having a set of sweat pants for the ride home is a good idea. Your ski clothes are likely to get covered in snow so changing into something warm and dry can help.
2. "Are you ready to go down?" Oh sure, many guys have tried this line at a bar too, it doesn’t work there, but on the ski slopes this probably just means are you ready for another run down the mountain.
"It may be tight but it's OK just slip it in, it will loosen up." Boots guys, boots. Ski boots are made to be snug and sometimes a little tight until your foot gets all the way in.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
why I'm at work so early.....
The last few days I have been at work by 6:30. When you add in the fact that my commute is 90 minutes, that's pretty freaking early. A lot of folks have asked me about this, so I figured I'd share the reasons I'm here so early.
10. I get better fuel mileage without all those assholes in front of me jamming on their brakes
9. If the sun was up I would have had to clean my sunglasses and it’s just this whole thing
8. Think of all the time it saves me having the parking spot right by the door
7. I’m just plain crazy
6. This way I can explain my looks by a lack of beauty sleep
5. The only way to get fresh eggs is to get here at 6:00 AM
4. If I get up too late I wake up grumpy, if I get up real early and am quiet she stays asleep
3. This way the gym is empty. Admittedly I just walk by on my way to the caf anyway, but if I wanted to I could easily get on a machine
2. what the hell I had to pee anyway
But the real reason I’m in here so damn early is
I find it much easier to convince myself to go to work when I’m still drunk from the night before
10. I get better fuel mileage without all those assholes in front of me jamming on their brakes
9. If the sun was up I would have had to clean my sunglasses and it’s just this whole thing
8. Think of all the time it saves me having the parking spot right by the door
7. I’m just plain crazy
6. This way I can explain my looks by a lack of beauty sleep
5. The only way to get fresh eggs is to get here at 6:00 AM
4. If I get up too late I wake up grumpy, if I get up real early and am quiet she stays asleep
3. This way the gym is empty. Admittedly I just walk by on my way to the caf anyway, but if I wanted to I could easily get on a machine
2. what the hell I had to pee anyway
But the real reason I’m in here so damn early is
I find it much easier to convince myself to go to work when I’m still drunk from the night before
Friday, January 8, 2010
My sisters bad advice.....
I was talking to my sister the other day and she mentioned she never gets a ticket when she gets pulled over. “If I get pulled over, I bat my eyelashes, flirt a little, maybe show some cleavage or leg and next thing you know I’m driving away”.
Sure enough the next week I got pulled over and figured I’d give it a shot I mean this is almost 2010, men should get equal rights,. As the cop pulled up I undid the top two buttons on my shirt, pouted my lips and when he got to the window I innocently batted my eyelashes “Was I speeding officer?”.
“Sir, step out of the car” he ordered. “I’m going to have to give you a field sobriety test. Please walk the white line with one foot in front of the other”
Clearly this wasn’t working out for me the way it did for my sister. But I had one card left to play so I decided to show a little leg.
From there it went downhill quickly. I had assumed he got upset when he saw my hairy legs. It wasn’t until my sister picked me up at the station, after having paid my bail, that she explained when you show leg, you start at the bottom, not the top.
My court date is Thursday.
Sure enough the next week I got pulled over and figured I’d give it a shot I mean this is almost 2010, men should get equal rights,. As the cop pulled up I undid the top two buttons on my shirt, pouted my lips and when he got to the window I innocently batted my eyelashes “Was I speeding officer?”.
“Sir, step out of the car” he ordered. “I’m going to have to give you a field sobriety test. Please walk the white line with one foot in front of the other”
Clearly this wasn’t working out for me the way it did for my sister. But I had one card left to play so I decided to show a little leg.
From there it went downhill quickly. I had assumed he got upset when he saw my hairy legs. It wasn’t until my sister picked me up at the station, after having paid my bail, that she explained when you show leg, you start at the bottom, not the top.
My court date is Thursday.
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