I really don't know why I watch this stupid show, other than it makes me laugh. Actually it pisses me off with some of their silly theories. My latest thoughts....
1. Ancient Aliens came out here to mate with our woman? OK like it's not bad enough we have losers buying brides from Russia or Thailand, (no judgement, but if you want to meet a Thai or Russian women, go there and meet them..). But now we think aliens, who by the way can build space craft and fly trillions of miles, but can't get laid on their own planet? Really?
2. All of the things you can only see from the sky are landmarks so they know where to land their spaceships? Uhm, so they can find our planet across trillions of miles or empty space, but then they need us to build them a pile of rocks in a straight line to know where to go? I mean WTF, no GPS? When I took flying lessons they taught us to look for things like, oh mountains and lakes, and I managed to find my way back home, and I sure as hell can't build a spaceship.
3. Some old dead guys had this piece of metal that "almost exactly" matches the orbit of these three stars called Sirius A, B and C. This is proof that they must have had some secret knowledge that we just learned about. Aren't there like more stars than we can count? No chance it could be a friggig coincidence right? Or that we measured wrong, since they three stars are like 8 million light years away. (That a long way in case you didn't know that).
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Halloween Birthdays
Some of you may know my sisters' birthday is coming up this week. As a Halloween baby we were always a little scared of her, you know since she could be part vampire, werewolf or demon.
Now just because you were born this time of year, doesn't mean you are Satan's spawn. I mean you very well may be, but being born near Halloween doesn't prove it.
Now just because you were born this time of year, doesn't mean you are Satan's spawn. I mean you very well may be, but being born near Halloween doesn't prove it.
And in case you were worried, here are the top ten ways to tell...
10. Your teeth are incredibly sharp, for no real reason
9. Your favorite outfit involves a cape
8. Instead of birthday cake, you crave human flesh, or raw meat
7. Every year on your birthday list is the latest model of coffin
6. You screamed like Frankenstein's monster when you saw your first birthday cake with candles on it.
5.Your eyes glow red, even when you're sleeping
4. When you started walking to school, you learned to cross the street to avoid walking past the church
3. You love to go camping, in the cemetery
2. You're favorite Saturday morning show isn't Scooby Doo, It's a Tivo version of Texas Chainsaw Masacre
1. When asked what your favorite color is, instead of blue or pink you reply in a guttural voice "I like red, dark red like the color that comes out of a persons veins as they gasp for their last breath". Ok dude that's just messed up coming from a 4 year old...
Monday, September 26, 2011
Preventative maintenance
OK if you know me, and by now you probably do, then you know "preventative maintenance" is one of those things you do when you have extra money you need to spend. Sort of like "working out" is what you do when you have absolutely nothing else to do.
But this past weekend my "low tire pressure"light came on. So I looked at the tires and none of them looked any flatter than any other one so I drove to the local gas station (which is ~15 miles away) and pulled up to the air pump.
Air used to be free, but apparently now they charge a buck for it. Really a frigging dollar, what the hell? So I put my 4 quarters in and the proceeded to fill my tires. Of course though I can read the legal disclaimer, the size tire and even the brand, no where do they have how much air to put in the damn thing.
So after my 3 minutes of free air was up. I decided to look in the manual. I remember that one came with the car and since I've never opened it, figured it must be in the glove box.
By they way why do they call it a glove box? I mean maybe a pair of Florida gloves would fit in their, but in Maine gloves are designed to keep you from losing a finger. They are big and bulky and have no chance of fitting in the little compartment there, but I digress.
Sure enough in the manual it told me to put in 38 pounds of air pressure, or 35, but probably 38. I went with 38. That of course cost me another dollar....
The good news is I was getting 42mpg in my Jetta TDI which for you poor bastards driving an Escalade sounds like a made up number, but for us TDI owners is actually not great. Now after putting in the correct amount of air, is back up to almost 45. Hopefully I can make up my $2 for air in a few weeks...
But this past weekend my "low tire pressure"light came on. So I looked at the tires and none of them looked any flatter than any other one so I drove to the local gas station (which is ~15 miles away) and pulled up to the air pump.
Air used to be free, but apparently now they charge a buck for it. Really a frigging dollar, what the hell? So I put my 4 quarters in and the proceeded to fill my tires. Of course though I can read the legal disclaimer, the size tire and even the brand, no where do they have how much air to put in the damn thing.
So after my 3 minutes of free air was up. I decided to look in the manual. I remember that one came with the car and since I've never opened it, figured it must be in the glove box.
By they way why do they call it a glove box? I mean maybe a pair of Florida gloves would fit in their, but in Maine gloves are designed to keep you from losing a finger. They are big and bulky and have no chance of fitting in the little compartment there, but I digress.
Sure enough in the manual it told me to put in 38 pounds of air pressure, or 35, but probably 38. I went with 38. That of course cost me another dollar....
The good news is I was getting 42mpg in my Jetta TDI which for you poor bastards driving an Escalade sounds like a made up number, but for us TDI owners is actually not great. Now after putting in the correct amount of air, is back up to almost 45. Hopefully I can make up my $2 for air in a few weeks...
Saturday, August 6, 2011
What a proud day to be a US politician
As if the fiasco of the last few weeks wasn't enough of an embarrassment, now S&P downgrades us to AA+. OK not a bad credit rating, and S&P is hardly reputable I mean didn't they tell us all to invest in mortgage backed securities a few years ago?
Now China is offering us financial advice. Now China makes some kick ass chicken and other food, but when they need to tell us to live within our means that's just another kick in the balls...
But on the plus side there are some good things that came out of this
10. The canadian coins I've been saving will finally be worth something.
9. I've been dreading having to call Bank of America to refinance since it goes to some indian dude that doesn't speak english.
8. At least at Thanksgiving we won't have to have a family argument over which political party is to blame, clearly they both are.
7. It's been so hard for late night comics to have something to laugh at, this makes it much easier.
6. At least now that the USPS finally admits they can't pay the government, they have something to blame it on besides incompetence.
5. Just think when noone has money for food the government will finally have done something about all the fat kids we have.
4. Well when interest rates are 18% again, we'll spend less time bitching about the $4 a gallon for gas.
3. Hey now all of Europe gets to laugh at our crappy economy instead of worrying about theirs.
2. And we were all worried about social security not having money to pay retirement, heck we'll be lucky to still be alive by then.
1. I always wanted to live off of the land, soon I will be
Now China is offering us financial advice. Now China makes some kick ass chicken and other food, but when they need to tell us to live within our means that's just another kick in the balls...
But on the plus side there are some good things that came out of this
10. The canadian coins I've been saving will finally be worth something.
9. I've been dreading having to call Bank of America to refinance since it goes to some indian dude that doesn't speak english.
8. At least at Thanksgiving we won't have to have a family argument over which political party is to blame, clearly they both are.
7. It's been so hard for late night comics to have something to laugh at, this makes it much easier.
6. At least now that the USPS finally admits they can't pay the government, they have something to blame it on besides incompetence.
5. Just think when noone has money for food the government will finally have done something about all the fat kids we have.
4. Well when interest rates are 18% again, we'll spend less time bitching about the $4 a gallon for gas.
3. Hey now all of Europe gets to laugh at our crappy economy instead of worrying about theirs.
2. And we were all worried about social security not having money to pay retirement, heck we'll be lucky to still be alive by then.
1. I always wanted to live off of the land, soon I will be
Monday, June 6, 2011
Good thing we caught these thugs
http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2011-06-02/news/os-homeless-feedings-arrests-20110601_1_group-feedings-feedings-in-public-parks-orlando-police
Wow good thing the Orlando cops got these guys. That's how it starts, first you are helping feed the homeless, next thing you know you start treating them like humans, holding doors for people etc. It never ends.
WTF. Really? I mean don't they have any real work to do down there. Maybe catch a drug dealer, or murderer instead of harassing good Samaritans... What has this place come to? I mean we can feed pigeons in the parks but not other people?
Wow good thing the Orlando cops got these guys. That's how it starts, first you are helping feed the homeless, next thing you know you start treating them like humans, holding doors for people etc. It never ends.
WTF. Really? I mean don't they have any real work to do down there. Maybe catch a drug dealer, or murderer instead of harassing good Samaritans... What has this place come to? I mean we can feed pigeons in the parks but not other people?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Phrases you should know before you travel
I am going to puerto rico next week for work. I'm pretty excited since I've never been there. I'm a big believer that when you travel. you should know some basic phrases in the local language. Of course things like "What time is it", "Where is the bathroom" and "How did I get here" are obvious but there are some less obvious ones you should know as well.
When you get these translated, you should ask multiple people to do it so you can compare and be certain that they are translated properly. I once had a friend translate for me, but I think she confused "Excuse me miss, is that chair taken?" to "Please kick me in the testicles". Fool me once.....
Ok the list of phrases to know...
1. Don't tase me bro.
I mean if that dumb ass from the US can make money being an idiot on youtube. I might as well be ready in case I get my chance too.
2. That goat just urinated in your drink.
Really want to make sure I can translate this before I take a sip.
3. You are already fat, and don't need desert.
What can I say I like to help people.
4. Let's hang this white guy by his testicles and use him for a pinata.
OK I doubt I'll ever speak this, but if anyone around me uses this phrase I really
want to know so I can get the hell out of there.
5. It wasn't me officer.
Always deny first...
6. Where is my change, asshole?
Just like NYC there are crooks everywhere
7. No, I am not Charlie Sheen.
I hate when I get mistaken for him. The last thing I need is a bill for an eight ball of coke and 3 hookers on my hotel bill. Accounts payable watches my expense reports close enough as is.
8. Will you marry me, you know, for the weekend?
9. Please stop kicking me in the testicles.
Wish I had known that one before
10. Holy shit that dude behind you has a machete.
That SOB in the hockey mask, Jason might be on vacation at the same time.
11. Put down the voodoo doll.
You know how those Caribbean islands are.
12. Your pants are unzipped.
I hate when this happens.
13. Why is that smoking.
14. Is that the fire alarm?
Just in case the loud wailing and all the people running away don't give it away.
15. No that is not my bag.
Useful for airport security
16. Can we just forget this, for say $50 US dollars, not that fake money you normally use down here.
If you are bribing someone make it wotrh their time. I mean 50 pesos isn't that like $.02 and really after reading this far do you think two cents is worth anything?
When you get these translated, you should ask multiple people to do it so you can compare and be certain that they are translated properly. I once had a friend translate for me, but I think she confused "Excuse me miss, is that chair taken?" to "Please kick me in the testicles". Fool me once.....
Ok the list of phrases to know...
1. Don't tase me bro.
I mean if that dumb ass from the US can make money being an idiot on youtube. I might as well be ready in case I get my chance too.
2. That goat just urinated in your drink.
Really want to make sure I can translate this before I take a sip.
3. You are already fat, and don't need desert.
What can I say I like to help people.
4. Let's hang this white guy by his testicles and use him for a pinata.
OK I doubt I'll ever speak this, but if anyone around me uses this phrase I really
want to know so I can get the hell out of there.
5. It wasn't me officer.
Always deny first...
6. Where is my change, asshole?
Just like NYC there are crooks everywhere
7. No, I am not Charlie Sheen.
I hate when I get mistaken for him. The last thing I need is a bill for an eight ball of coke and 3 hookers on my hotel bill. Accounts payable watches my expense reports close enough as is.
8. Will you marry me, you know, for the weekend?
9. Please stop kicking me in the testicles.
Wish I had known that one before
10. Holy shit that dude behind you has a machete.
That SOB in the hockey mask, Jason might be on vacation at the same time.
11. Put down the voodoo doll.
You know how those Caribbean islands are.
12. Your pants are unzipped.
I hate when this happens.
13. Why is that smoking.
14. Is that the fire alarm?
Just in case the loud wailing and all the people running away don't give it away.
15. No that is not my bag.
Useful for airport security
16. Can we just forget this, for say $50 US dollars, not that fake money you normally use down here.
If you are bribing someone make it wotrh their time. I mean 50 pesos isn't that like $.02 and really after reading this far do you think two cents is worth anything?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Fishing season
A lot of my friends love to go fishing. Me? I never really got the fishing bug. My father and I would go fishing every now and then, but we never seemed to catch anything. We would go out in his boat for hours and not even get a bite. It was good quality time and I'm not complaining but I also just assumed we sucked at fishing.
There were times I'd reel the line in just to make sure we remembered to put hooks on. It was that bad. I even bought him a fish finder for Christmas one year thinking that would help. It didn't.
He passed away a number of years ago now, (has it really been over 5 years?) and as part of his eulogy I shared some of our fishing experiences. When I said how I had to check to make sure that we had put hooks on the line I looked up and one of his old friends started laughing to himself.
After the funeral he caught up with me.
He told me, "Me and your dad used to go fishing too and I always thought the same as you. Wow this guy has the worst luck fishing, until one day as we were hooking the boat back up he said 'another perfect day of fishing, nothing to cook, nothing to clean'. In fact your father was great at fishing, he managed to avoid all of them".
I guess it's a matter of perspective...
There were times I'd reel the line in just to make sure we remembered to put hooks on. It was that bad. I even bought him a fish finder for Christmas one year thinking that would help. It didn't.
He passed away a number of years ago now, (has it really been over 5 years?) and as part of his eulogy I shared some of our fishing experiences. When I said how I had to check to make sure that we had put hooks on the line I looked up and one of his old friends started laughing to himself.
After the funeral he caught up with me.
He told me, "Me and your dad used to go fishing too and I always thought the same as you. Wow this guy has the worst luck fishing, until one day as we were hooking the boat back up he said 'another perfect day of fishing, nothing to cook, nothing to clean'. In fact your father was great at fishing, he managed to avoid all of them".
I guess it's a matter of perspective...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Hey Fatso
So 1 out of 5 4 year olds are already obese...
17 percent of people aged 2-19 in the United States are obese...
10 percent of kids aged 2-5 are obese...
Now somethiing like half of our pets are fat too.
And the government is no real help either. I mean sure they outlawed trans fat in NYC and some other major cities, but is that really up to the goevernment and does that suddenly mean you can eat whatever you want?
Probbaly not. Frankly the fact that the government is trying to help usually means it's going to get worse, and cost us more in taxes to make it so.
What's needed is a diet that people can stick on, not rules outlawing things we like. I mean didn't we learn from prohibition and the drug wars? I really don't need to have Mexican French Fry Lords pushing the good tasting trans fat. (No offense to Mexico, Mexican drug lords, or any drug lords for that matter).
Luckily you can now get the last diet you will ever need, yup The Casselberry Diet" is now available on cafepress. For only $8.99 you can learn how to make your body healthy, save on oil and reduce greenhouse gases. It'll be on kindle too soon, just not quite yet.
And let's be honest with all that crazy shit going on in the mid-east we aren't going to have oil much longer, so we might was well reduce our usage of it while we can....
17 percent of people aged 2-19 in the United States are obese...
10 percent of kids aged 2-5 are obese...
Now somethiing like half of our pets are fat too.
And the government is no real help either. I mean sure they outlawed trans fat in NYC and some other major cities, but is that really up to the goevernment and does that suddenly mean you can eat whatever you want?
Probbaly not. Frankly the fact that the government is trying to help usually means it's going to get worse, and cost us more in taxes to make it so.
What's needed is a diet that people can stick on, not rules outlawing things we like. I mean didn't we learn from prohibition and the drug wars? I really don't need to have Mexican French Fry Lords pushing the good tasting trans fat. (No offense to Mexico, Mexican drug lords, or any drug lords for that matter).
Luckily you can now get the last diet you will ever need, yup The Casselberry Diet" is now available on cafepress. For only $8.99 you can learn how to make your body healthy, save on oil and reduce greenhouse gases. It'll be on kindle too soon, just not quite yet.
And let's be honest with all that crazy shit going on in the mid-east we aren't going to have oil much longer, so we might was well reduce our usage of it while we can....
Monday, February 7, 2011
New years resolutions
Yeah I know it's February and most people make their resolution on 1/1 instead of waiting a month, maybe not procrastinating should be my 2011 resolution. It's not.
No I've been watching the History channel lately and while I think it's at best a joke that they call some of this crap documentary and pretend that there is some semblance of journalism or science in it, it did get me thinking. Thinking "Where's that damn remote" but still thinking.
The show the drives me nuts the most is the "ancient alien" crap. The premise is that the pyramids were made by these cool aliens apparently here to help us, though I think they were just on a bender and messing with us. Apparently since no one can figure out how to stack rocks the same way that aliens must be behind them all.
Then they explain how since on cave walls sometimes they have circles, "That clearly means that they saw UFO's" Really, that was a quote. Clearly?? What a jack ass. I mean maybe it was a patent app for the wheel. Maybe the guy just liked circles, but no "Clearly a UFO". Idiots...
Anyway when they were showing that cave picture I noticed that many times the people in the drawing had their arms straight out, much like the zombies in a Scooby Doo cartoon, so I think that based on this and the fact that the Mayans were too lazy to finish he calendar past 2012 that the world will end next year because of a zombie attack. Yeah that's the other show, the world will end in 2012 because the calendar ran out. Uhm anyone remember y2k? Maybe all the Mayans figured "Screw it, we won't be around in 2012 let someone else make the next damn calendar".
So my resolution for 2011 is to prepare for the zombie attack. A few items I have thought about are.
1. Learn to hotwire a car. It sure would piss me off to be surrounded by a gang of undead and not be able to find the keys....
2. Get some good weapons. Swords, machetes and a slingshot sound good and don't need ammo.
3. Find a good place to hide. I had thought an island would be safe but someone mentioned zombies can walk on the seabed since they don't drown. Hmmmm. Need to put some more thought in this one.
4. Learn how to grow my own food, and preserve it.
5. Learn how to make biodiesel out of corn. I can't imagine with everyone dead there will be that much french fry oil left kicking around.
6. I probably should take a first aid kit and find a medical book. It would suck to survive all the zombies only to die from an infection or something.
7. I need to learn how to make medicine, or find some indian dude that can point me to the plants that won't kill me.
8. Go somewhere warm. I'm thinking the oil guy won't be delivering once the zombies attack.
9. Learn how to blow shit up. Preferably not mine, but being able to rig up some sives to fry some undead would be a good skill to have.
10. Come up with a tenth one since a top ten list is way cooler than a top nine one....
If anyone has any other ideas please let me know. Clock's ticking dude....
No I've been watching the History channel lately and while I think it's at best a joke that they call some of this crap documentary and pretend that there is some semblance of journalism or science in it, it did get me thinking. Thinking "Where's that damn remote" but still thinking.
The show the drives me nuts the most is the "ancient alien" crap. The premise is that the pyramids were made by these cool aliens apparently here to help us, though I think they were just on a bender and messing with us. Apparently since no one can figure out how to stack rocks the same way that aliens must be behind them all.
Then they explain how since on cave walls sometimes they have circles, "That clearly means that they saw UFO's" Really, that was a quote. Clearly?? What a jack ass. I mean maybe it was a patent app for the wheel. Maybe the guy just liked circles, but no "Clearly a UFO". Idiots...
Anyway when they were showing that cave picture I noticed that many times the people in the drawing had their arms straight out, much like the zombies in a Scooby Doo cartoon, so I think that based on this and the fact that the Mayans were too lazy to finish he calendar past 2012 that the world will end next year because of a zombie attack. Yeah that's the other show, the world will end in 2012 because the calendar ran out. Uhm anyone remember y2k? Maybe all the Mayans figured "Screw it, we won't be around in 2012 let someone else make the next damn calendar".
So my resolution for 2011 is to prepare for the zombie attack. A few items I have thought about are.
1. Learn to hotwire a car. It sure would piss me off to be surrounded by a gang of undead and not be able to find the keys....
2. Get some good weapons. Swords, machetes and a slingshot sound good and don't need ammo.
3. Find a good place to hide. I had thought an island would be safe but someone mentioned zombies can walk on the seabed since they don't drown. Hmmmm. Need to put some more thought in this one.
4. Learn how to grow my own food, and preserve it.
5. Learn how to make biodiesel out of corn. I can't imagine with everyone dead there will be that much french fry oil left kicking around.
6. I probably should take a first aid kit and find a medical book. It would suck to survive all the zombies only to die from an infection or something.
7. I need to learn how to make medicine, or find some indian dude that can point me to the plants that won't kill me.
8. Go somewhere warm. I'm thinking the oil guy won't be delivering once the zombies attack.
9. Learn how to blow shit up. Preferably not mine, but being able to rig up some sives to fry some undead would be a good skill to have.
10. Come up with a tenth one since a top ten list is way cooler than a top nine one....
If anyone has any other ideas please let me know. Clock's ticking dude....
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