How women work Part 1

Women are a lot more complicated than men are. It's true they are. All this time I thought they were full of crap, go figure...

Many guys have a hard time figuring women out. Actually they are quite easy to understand. Their thoughts are entirely based on a complex magic 8 ball like device in their heads. Their thoughts are completely random which is why trying to figure them out has been difficult.

At ELMU we are working to map all of these thoughts in an easy to understand list. Unfortunately this is comparable to mapping the human genome, and frankly we spend a lot of time drinking beer so it could take a while, but to get you started here are some of the things we figured out.

A normal woman's main ball contains things like:
I love you
I hate you
I have a headache
I'm tired
I told you so
I can’t believe you did that
I can't believe you didn't do that
I can't believe you forgot
Oh my God, you remembered.
I'm sorry
Do you love me

To make matters worse they have different eight balls depending on what they are doing, or what time of the month it is. During their menstrual period * the normal responses get replaced with

I hate you
Idiot
You're a pig
Bastard
Asshole
bite me
go to hell
I love you
I'm sorry.... that I ever met you, you piece of shit

*For some women the menstrual period can extend up to three weeks before and after this period. We call them bitchy.

Most women have a special ball that gets used in the vehicle. It contains thoughts like:

You are driving too slow
Look out
Do you know where you're going
Are we lost
Watch the road not that bimbo walking down the street you pig
Idiot
Bastard
Why don;t you just ask for directions
Pull over
Your car smells

If you think about it, this theory explains a lot. For example is you are talking to a blonde, she probably at some point will shake her had in a typical "I don't know" fashion then suddenly have a thought. She had a stuck ball and shaking her head cleared it.

WARNING: Do not attempt to change a woman's mind by shaking her head. It will probably work, but is likely to piss her off....